Our parents' lives was
simpler. They got married, had kids, and stayed married, whether they could
stand each other or not. Our lives are anything but that. We find ourselves
caught in a situation where we don't know whether to stay or flee, and everyday,
we ask ourselves the question: Is my marriage happy, something our parents
never had to deal with...marriage counselors have come up with a formula to
make it work (yes, divorce is not an option, as that only leaves you starting
on the drawing board all over again, pity!)
1. Happiness is not a constant
Everyone wants to be happy,
but happiness will come and go. Therefore, to find happiness in marriage, one
has to intentionally do things that will keep the happiness quotient intact
when life sucks it away.
2. A positive attitude: Give and Take
Once again, the biggest
ingredient in a successful marriage, as in any successful venture, is our
attitude. How much do you give and how much do you take...how easily do you
forgive or how do you view your spouse's shortcomings.
3. Be affectionate
Physical expression of love
is crucial. Be it a lingering kiss (doctors advice this six times a week) sex
(twice a week at least) hugs (twice a day) and saying "I love you"
(five times a week)...if people ask you if there's not more to life than just
the physical, tell them you're counting on that! :)
4. Allow a healthy fight a week
Fights and arguments are
part of the deal, so don't run away from them or feel overly guilty about them.
Two complex people are sharing an intimate space - what else do you expect?
Learn not to hold grudges, not to bring up the past, and that a fight doesn't
mean the marriage is over. Crises can be like storms: loud, scary and
dangerous, but keep believing the sun will come out.
5. Spend time with each other
The best way to bond is to
spend quality time together, and if you can't find something romantic to do,
you can even catch up with one another over the washing machine or in the
kitchen...but don't let the void get bigger...
6. Take a short break together
It's very important to get
away from family, work, kids and other routine commitments if your marriage has
to work. Fulfilling our various commitments makes us forget each other, so it's
necessary to go on a drive or fly to someplace new to infuse fresh energy into
your relationship...
7. Count your blessings: It could be
worse
Count your blessings means
to add up, in your mind, the hundreds of ways in which your spouse contributes
to your life. Imagine a world without them and you will soon fall in love with
them again... this includes admiring their unique qualities, like his sense of
humor, or forgiving nature or even manly forearms (other qualities for a
female)...
8. Allow space in your marriage
Too much space - the kind
that leads to infidelity or work a holism - means a breakup of marriage, but too
little space, where one spouse is constantly breathing down another's neck,
isn't too good either... allow each other the space to explore their own
interests, and happiness is guaranteed...
9. Complain constructively
When there are problems,
there will be complaints. But you can choose whether the complaints are loud
letting off of steam or aimed at concrete solutions that pave the way for
greater peace at home...learn diplomacy and, as the saying goes, you cannot see
eye to eye when you are looking down on someone...
10. Marry someone a lot like yourself
Although the phrase
"opposites attract" has been around for a while, what makes a
marriage successful is finding someone who shares your ideas even if that
person is not your carbon copy...unless there is empathy, you can't go far...
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